Yeah I know, but those porno junkies might goolge that and stumble in here by mistake and sup from the teat of my wisdom.
So what has been happening with me I hear you wail? My absence from the bloggerphere has been keenly felt and I can tell. Remember that angry person on the ride in today? Not getting the good stuff from Papa Banana. Time to fix the drought my thirsty lambs.
I had a house warming during one of Melbourne's classically shitty freezing winter days. Rained all day then the skies cleared for the evening and dropped 20 degrees. I know this foul winter bitch well and stocked up on coal and gas bottles and fought back the cold with heat and many happy people eating spicy food and drinking silly drinks called "aftershock" and tequila. Papa Banana - 1, winter bitch - 0. I rock.
During the same night a friend of mine finally succumbed to the mind rays and agreed to sell me one of his motorcycles. Best for both of us really. He will no longer get brain cancer from continuous subliminal brain tuning and I get an SR500 to tinker with. Although the actual transaction is yet to take place he said it in front of witnesses and even repeated the agreement when sober a few days later. Technically he is now my new bike's caretaker as I am the caretaker of his new cash. We will both be very happy I'm sure.
I have bought new sexy bits for the Betty the viffer, soon to be fitted. She has a new set of swanky Italian wave disks, a new one-tooth-smaller-just-so-I-can-finally-do-wheelies-sprocket, and soon to arrive ......a set of ultra-studmuffin steel-braided brake lines that look like carbon fibre and have gold fittings. My pants are suddenly tight with joy. My bike will cause women to swoon and make men want to be me... or just wonder why I spend so mucho peso on a bike. Simple answer, I like hotrods, I like bikes, this will be my bike hotrod if I can ever afford to do all the good and expensive and ludicruous things I want to do to it. Plus, every fucking wanker squid knob jocky has a GSXR, R1, CBR1000r, ZX10 penis extension and might as well buy there personality from Kmart and be done with it. If you don't race don't fucking pose in front of me you utter bastard on your ultra-bike you can never hope to ride properly. They think neons and a loud exhaust make them special and cool and unique. It makes them common and fucked.
I'm off to Tassie next year with a good crowd of some of my favourite people. We're all heading over on the boat then visiting my Dear Mother for coffee and a fry up the next morning before risking licence and limb as we navigate arguably Australia's best riding roads. My mum is a quiet soul so God only knows what she will make of me and my 15 mates, all aboard noisy bikes, rocking into her cul-da-sac at some early hour to say "hi, we need coffee and a bbq breakfast". I hope she will still speak to me afterwards. It's going to be a cracker of a trip and I'm already planning my kit, spares and tools. I expect I will forget or leave all such things at home and make do with a swiss army knife, 1oomph tape and WD40. Works every time.
Well then, I don't want to wear out my welcome in your frontal lobe so will do my usual.
Catch you later...
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Still lazy, not dead, news at nine
óla folks,
So much to say and so little voosh. I'm having my house warming at last, should be good and if all goes to plan I will end up drunk, naked and running down my street followed by like-minded souls. That's the sign of a good party. There is a roundabout near by which I hope to incorporate. I'm thinking tequila shots with a dash of tabasco and a bear chaser. I might have enforced a "no pants" rule but I know some people I'd never want to see naked are coming so that's out. Have to do with a mad naked dash and hope we don't attract the cops.
Catch you later
So much to say and so little voosh. I'm having my house warming at last, should be good and if all goes to plan I will end up drunk, naked and running down my street followed by like-minded souls. That's the sign of a good party. There is a roundabout near by which I hope to incorporate. I'm thinking tequila shots with a dash of tabasco and a bear chaser. I might have enforced a "no pants" rule but I know some people I'd never want to see naked are coming so that's out. Have to do with a mad naked dash and hope we don't attract the cops.
Catch you later
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
ANZAC Day
I find this to be one anniversary I don't miss. If for no other reason than my beloved Essendon take on the stinking refuse that is Collingwood.
I spent the early part of the day meeting up with friends and taking time to go for a ride out west through some dull road, some fun roads and some contemplative roads. We spent the morning enjoying ourselves just as we pleased. The destination was a quiet country town, the corner shop sold milk, bread and ammo just to give you an idea. We turned up just as the commemoration ceremony was under way. I was moved to stand amongst the locals and my friends and listen to the old digger doing the talking and listening to the Last Stand.
My freedom and way of life was paid for by the men of my country, fighting Europe's wars and then our own on the so-near boarders of Singapore, Thailand, New Guinea... These same young fighting men and the women of the nursing corps put it all on the line so blokes like me could live the life I'm living. So, when I think about the irreverent and fun way I spent ANZAC Day on my motorcycle, I don't feel like I've let them down or I'm wasting my time. Instead, I feel that I am paying them the respect due to them by using and enjoying my time and freedom as I choose, since that's just what these poor buggers fought for - our rights and the defeat of tyranny.
I'm very proud and very grateful of my countrymen now gone. Lest we forget.
Catch you later.
I spent the early part of the day meeting up with friends and taking time to go for a ride out west through some dull road, some fun roads and some contemplative roads. We spent the morning enjoying ourselves just as we pleased. The destination was a quiet country town, the corner shop sold milk, bread and ammo just to give you an idea. We turned up just as the commemoration ceremony was under way. I was moved to stand amongst the locals and my friends and listen to the old digger doing the talking and listening to the Last Stand.
My freedom and way of life was paid for by the men of my country, fighting Europe's wars and then our own on the so-near boarders of Singapore, Thailand, New Guinea... These same young fighting men and the women of the nursing corps put it all on the line so blokes like me could live the life I'm living. So, when I think about the irreverent and fun way I spent ANZAC Day on my motorcycle, I don't feel like I've let them down or I'm wasting my time. Instead, I feel that I am paying them the respect due to them by using and enjoying my time and freedom as I choose, since that's just what these poor buggers fought for - our rights and the defeat of tyranny.
I'm very proud and very grateful of my countrymen now gone. Lest we forget.
Catch you later.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
So yeah....
It's been an interesting start to the year, in the Chinese curse way. I've already been helping my Near and Dear deal with two break-and-enters, we've been victum of one hit-and-run in a car and one full accident where a P-Plater rammed up the back of me and redesigned my Utes rear end. Now today Mel's dog is in puppy hospital with a suspected broken hip from trying to jump the front fence and missing. Feck sake, who did we piss off lately?
On the bright side I now own a house and will be moving in in about a month. I'm busy packing and recruiting mates to make the move, fast, easy and for once efficient. It will probably be a shambles. Nah... I'm really determined to get this over with so as long as I can get some help lifting stuff we'll be right.
I'm working my ring off at the moment which should one day bear fruit but being a multi-national and my one-over manager having his head in the region of up his arse who knows. At least I'm giving myself a shot.
I went for a very long ride on Sunday which was more tiring than anything else. I'm a little out of form for long rides. Long straights to no-where don't help much either. Still, helping a friend sort out a ride route is just something you do so there you go. Shame is, I'll miss the improved proper ride this Sunday since I'll be packing and helping Mel with the gimp dog. I might still drop in later and watch the re-run of the MotoGP race on that weekend. Must have some biking fun that weekend.
Well, I'm bushed and out of thoughts.
Catch you later...
On the bright side I now own a house and will be moving in in about a month. I'm busy packing and recruiting mates to make the move, fast, easy and for once efficient. It will probably be a shambles. Nah... I'm really determined to get this over with so as long as I can get some help lifting stuff we'll be right.
I'm working my ring off at the moment which should one day bear fruit but being a multi-national and my one-over manager having his head in the region of up his arse who knows. At least I'm giving myself a shot.
I went for a very long ride on Sunday which was more tiring than anything else. I'm a little out of form for long rides. Long straights to no-where don't help much either. Still, helping a friend sort out a ride route is just something you do so there you go. Shame is, I'll miss the improved proper ride this Sunday since I'll be packing and helping Mel with the gimp dog. I might still drop in later and watch the re-run of the MotoGP race on that weekend. Must have some biking fun that weekend.
Well, I'm bushed and out of thoughts.
Catch you later...
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Boughting a House
I bought that damn house.
..
..
Holy Shit!
..
Sometimes things just go your way and now I'm a house-owner. It was a hell of a lot more fun than losing my viginity though the anxiety levels were pretty much on par. My buyer's agent did a good job though I didn't end up with the dishwasher I'm not fussed, I'll just go buy me a brand newey, oh baby! The whole thing went as I could only hope it would, no one and I do mean no one, besides me turned up to bid at the auction so it was called off and the seller's agent came up to me asking for an offer. In jumped my agent and away we went. In the end the price was good and I think I saved a few thousand dollars all up. 57 days and it is mine. Life rocks.
Catch you later...
..
..
Holy Shit!
..
Sometimes things just go your way and now I'm a house-owner. It was a hell of a lot more fun than losing my viginity though the anxiety levels were pretty much on par. My buyer's agent did a good job though I didn't end up with the dishwasher I'm not fussed, I'll just go buy me a brand newey, oh baby! The whole thing went as I could only hope it would, no one and I do mean no one, besides me turned up to bid at the auction so it was called off and the seller's agent came up to me asking for an offer. In jumped my agent and away we went. In the end the price was good and I think I saved a few thousand dollars all up. 57 days and it is mine. Life rocks.
Catch you later...
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Buyin'a house
"This is my property mudda farker and this is my shotgun!"
It might be a little coarse and a touch rabid around the edges but I think I've hit the right note with how I want to come across at the auction this Saturday for the possible new Casa Del Jake. I'm a going biddin' folks and if you fuck with me and make the house I'm a biddin' fo too 'spensive.. well sir, I'm agunna come back in the dead of night and introduce you to Mr Bad Times and Senior Pain.
Or maybe not, but I 'spose scaring people off of bidding for this great place I found isn't technically illegal is it? Really? well, too bad. I hope it rains all day and night and people all get gastro and stay home and only me and my agent show up. So there.
The fact that it's supposed to be 30+ might not be bad, keep the weak and the infirm inside where they belong, and not at the auction for the house I want just a little badly.
It's got a new four car garage for cryin' out loud! (At this point all the men go "Ahhhhhhhh!" and the women "huh? so?", women no nothing of what men need.) Anda great area for BBQs and stuff. I could go on and on but then I'd start sounding all feminine when I went on about the great new kitchen and bathroom and the limitless hot water, so I wont. But just so I've mentioned it the cupboards in the kitchen are finished in industrial blue hammer tone paint and the bench kick boards make it look like a giant tool box.
It will be mine, oh yes it will.
Catch you later...
It might be a little coarse and a touch rabid around the edges but I think I've hit the right note with how I want to come across at the auction this Saturday for the possible new Casa Del Jake. I'm a going biddin' folks and if you fuck with me and make the house I'm a biddin' fo too 'spensive.. well sir, I'm agunna come back in the dead of night and introduce you to Mr Bad Times and Senior Pain.
Or maybe not, but I 'spose scaring people off of bidding for this great place I found isn't technically illegal is it? Really? well, too bad. I hope it rains all day and night and people all get gastro and stay home and only me and my agent show up. So there.
The fact that it's supposed to be 30+ might not be bad, keep the weak and the infirm inside where they belong, and not at the auction for the house I want just a little badly.
It's got a new four car garage for cryin' out loud! (At this point all the men go "Ahhhhhhhh!" and the women "huh? so?", women no nothing of what men need.) Anda great area for BBQs and stuff. I could go on and on but then I'd start sounding all feminine when I went on about the great new kitchen and bathroom and the limitless hot water, so I wont. But just so I've mentioned it the cupboards in the kitchen are finished in industrial blue hammer tone paint and the bench kick boards make it look like a giant tool box.
It will be mine, oh yes it will.
Catch you later...
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