I've been back on the bike for a few weeks now and a few things have changed for me. Strange and possibly stupid as it is to say, possibley untrue too, but I wonder if it was the accident I needed to have? In both good ways and bad I have to admit, it might have been. No one wants The Bad, of course, but if you learn from it it's not a wasted experience at least.

I ride much the same, but not quite the same. I find myself taking much greater stock of my environment and relying less on my Gardian Angel to see me through. As has been proven GA takes a nap once in a while and I end up in the back of a car! I often find myself berating me for my lack of focus on the road; "Stop looking at the pretty clouds, dumbarse!" and the like. I know that such thoughts are to my benefit so I'm not worried about that.

Sometimes though, I get a real fright that the bike doesn't have enough distance to stop, even when I have 10 meters. Or I find myself worrying about being rear ended, although that did nearly happen a few days back and only luck saved me so I can excuse that for now. It's little things that make me jumpy now and I'm a bit more "crash-shy" for want of a better word. I have another friend who is also riding again after an accident. In her case she was hit by some scum and they did a runner, just left her lying in the road. I have Opinions about that best left to another time. She was relating to a few of us recently how movement in the corner of her eye can really startle her when she's on the bike.

What I can self-analyse about it is that I went through a traumatic experience which neither my mind nor body wish to revisit; Hence the reactions. I can accept that for now but I need to be careful of the long term. I do not want and will not let something like my little off screw up my confident riding style or put me in future danger by reacting rather than controling my riding situations.

I've just reread what I wrote about the "accident I needed to have" and it sounds quite stupid. Like the recession we needed to have, aye? Bollocks! Big ones at that! What am I doing, trying to bullshit myself? But there is just a small kernel of truth in it, it was a sharp and focusing reminder that this little passion we share is not a fecking joke. You must take every ride seriously, even when you're not, still with me? It's great fun but it's not very safe at the best of times. It will get you killed or hurt if you feck up, lose focus or are even just unluckly. That's just the way it is.

In many ways it reminds me of my sailing days as a younger bloke in Tassie, racing off the coast. I'd be flying across the sea from one marker to the next loving life. Handling the jib and kite, swinging from the trapese. No one could touch me as we cut through the sea. But now and then a gust would just batter at you or you'd take a wave at the wrong angle and over you go. Then it was all about not drowning and getting untangled from the lines, swimming around the boat and getting it back upright, back into the race. What a rush, the thought of sharks made you move that bit quicker. Then you got back in the boat, grin at the Captain, get your shit together, and go dammit! I loved every second, upright and in the drink.

I feel exactly the same about riding. Sometimes you're up and flying, other times you're in the drink. It can be bitter sweet, but even to myself, I think of the times not riding as exactly that - Not Riding Times, waiting to get back up and fly.

I feel better for that. I'm going to make some dinner, drink some wine and wait to go flying again.

Catch you later...