"This is my property mudda farker and this is my shotgun!"
It might be a little coarse and a touch rabid around the edges but I think I've hit the right note with how I want to come across at the auction this Saturday for the possible new Casa Del Jake. I'm a going biddin' folks and if you fuck with me and make the house I'm a biddin' fo too 'spensive.. well sir, I'm agunna come back in the dead of night and introduce you to Mr Bad Times and Senior Pain.
Or maybe not, but I 'spose scaring people off of bidding for this great place I found isn't technically illegal is it? Really? well, too bad. I hope it rains all day and night and people all get gastro and stay home and only me and my agent show up. So there.
The fact that it's supposed to be 30+ might not be bad, keep the weak and the infirm inside where they belong, and not at the auction for the house I want just a little badly.
It's got a new four car garage for cryin' out loud! (At this point all the men go "Ahhhhhhhh!" and the women "huh? so?", women no nothing of what men need.) Anda great area for BBQs and stuff. I could go on and on but then I'd start sounding all feminine when I went on about the great new kitchen and bathroom and the limitless hot water, so I wont. But just so I've mentioned it the cupboards in the kitchen are finished in industrial blue hammer tone paint and the bench kick boards make it look like a giant tool box.
It will be mine, oh yes it will.
Catch you later...
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